Fairy Cakes

Lately we've been thinking about technology and the effects that media, social networking sites, and even the speed of satellites must have on the human's sense of self and time. It is as though we not only believe in magic, but hold it as an expectation-- both from each other and from our selves.

Equally, we also notice the lack of magic in the world that must move slower than the speed of light. The woods bore us. Why run if you can skype? We wonder if Willy Wanka's tv transporting devise is really a thing of fiction. Where do cupcakes come from anyway?

Hansel and Gretel: Who Cooks in Your Kitchen?

The flawed sad life of children Hansel and Gretel is hardly worth repeating. Who knows why their mother was willing to sacrifice them to the wild in order to retain a few more morsels of bread for herself. And was she even their mother? Versions disagree and perhaps this wicked women was actually their step mother (as if that would be cause enough to leave them for wolves). Ultimately, the story plays out the paradigm that follows: women after puberty (not Gretel of course-- she was a child) become frightening witches. This begins with the young mother but only gets worse with age until finally there is nothing left of the helpless child, but instead an old crone takes their place. At penny-slaw we have been asking ourselves the following: what would have happened if the witch had actually eaten Hansel and Gretel? Would she have gained their power, that power of innocence and childhood? Does the blood of children lengthen her own life, like the holy grail or gift of ever lasting youth? After all, you are what you eat. In turn, the logical question we asked is this, what happens when you eat a cuppin or a muffcake? Do people that eat these sweets

<-- (Fairy Cakes)

become sweet themselves?  

The experiment ran as follows: Make 12 cupcakes and eat them all in one setting. Wait. 

The cupcakes were cranberry/orange/vanilla. The batter was smooth and pink. However, as soon as they went in the oven there was trouble. The finished cakes appeared green, more the color of a witch than the color of sweet salvation. Nothing a little lemon icing couldn't fix. After whipping the vegan butter with confectionary sugar and a few drops a lemon juice and zest for... well for zest... they looked good and creamy as new. It wasn't hard to eat them all, in face, it was hard not to. each morsel melted in my mouth with that perfect mixture of moisture and crumb. But the question remains, did they make ME sweet? No. Instead I fell asleep at 9:00PM and my mouth tastes like garlic and canker sores. However, perhaps the problem was that there was too much sour in the sweet cakes. After all, Hansel and Gretel weren't sour... or were they? After all, Gretel did push the witch into the oven. 

And thus begins the life of women. It starts with killing your nemesis and ends when you become her. Cupcakes or not, it's hard not to be bitter.   

2012 New Years Revolutions

Thanks to science, more than confection is at work now. We believe this is exactly what was predicted with the coming of 2012: a shift in consciousness. Luxury is no longer something that comes in the simple form of a cupcake or muffin, instead, if you really want to relax in style, diamonds are the only option. Rather than taking your date to a fancy muffcake boutique, it is now not only stylish... but compulsory that real ballers take their lady to the tub. How can we expect hot muffcakes to survive if they aren't breeding in a pink diamond wash basin? As these ladies can attest, diamonds are a girl's best friend and a girl without a best friend is nothing more than a soggy doughnut. 

  

So really, what is this about anyway? Well the mission is simple and delightfully hedonist. Here at Penny-Slaw Productions we've heard a lot the past year about science, god, nihilism, inteligencia, and the marxist bike riding hippies that might have taken over the world if it wasn't for their addiction to processed sugar and self-loathing. The good news is that there is a clear solution: absolute apathetic self indulgence. Our revolutions are spiral, but isn't that how the universe works? Endless expansion. Endless compression. If you're anything like us, it's hard to wrap your head around the power of gravity, especially when the ground keeps slipping from under you. Fear not, flaky friends, this is nothing a good dose of sugar, sex, or money can't fix. So this year the revolution is clear as a pink diamond glued to a cast iron bowl, and don't be like the rest-- remember your revolution past february.

For a moment let's consider the alternative: you could stop showering and start to smell like vinegar, but then some evangelical pirate is likely to try and baptize you, and who knows where that water has been?! You're likely to contract gonorrhea, but the medication will give you a yeast infection and you've sure had enough of that after using the public pool in 8th grade, so instead of wandering around risking salvation, you join an anarchist commune with a girl named Flower Petal who will drink any kind of whiskey imaginable, but only eats fruit if her chakras are aligned. You could sell your Jaguar and start riding rusty bikes, cursing about capitalist swineys screaming, "I am not an object." But I must ask the question, what's wrong with objects anyway? I mean, isn't it enough to be content with existence? And isn't this the best reminder that the world is still solid? Soaking in a glitter bath, bulging with simple sugars, and assuring yourself that sometimes there isn't anymore than that.       

Mwah-ha-ha-haaaaa h.

Did you think you could stop me? Angry. Fooooot?!

Stepping on Muffcake

The problem here is that Angry Foot has been calling all the shots lately. In fact, Angry Foot has proposed that we delete the Cuppins and Muffcakes blog all together and instead make an Angry Foot blog where he has ultimate power to denounce at will. We at Penny-Slaw productions is not prepared to release a statement at this time.

Exclusive Interview: Angry Foot Discusses Cuppins and Muffcakes- LIVE!

During the creation of this video there was constant interference. It appears now that Dirty Loaf intercepted the signal and wreaked havoc on our transmitting equipment. Even though we at  Penny-Slaw Productions assume no responsibility for technological interference, we will work to resolve the glitches in due time.  

Cuppins Fans: The Image of Insanity

 

While Cuppins may be responsible for cracking the human genome only to loose her research in a chemical fire (caused by icing intended for Muffcakes: Season 3 - Episode 324), it is the Cuppins Fans that have proven a true devotion to science. As was leaked in the latest issue of Sci-Pop, "Cuppins fans are routinely found with hijacked X-Ray machines, boarded up in their mother's basement, conducting anatomical tests." As a result we are under a legal obligation, here at Penny-Slaw productions, to release the following statement: 

Any behaviors resulting from, or inspired by, Cuppins and Muffcakes media are by no means the responsibility of Penny-Slaw productions. The Penny-Slaw Corporation maintains full exception from any resulting legal disputes.